Tag Archives: daughters

On Being A Daughter

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It’s Father’s Day, so I wanted to say a few words about Stan the Man, Stanley the Manly, Pops, Ray, Daddy-O, or simply, Dad.

 

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If I narrow down all the things my dad has taught me to most important thing, it’s that parenting is a life-long commitment. Is it fulfilling? I’m sure it is at times, but I laugh because I’m well into my thirties and my dad and I both know I’ll be leaning on him for direction, guidance, and emergency money until the sweet, sweet release of death. Luckily, for me, my dad is committed.

When I first went to college at Texas Tech, I struggled so hard. I wasn’t aware of what a panic attack was when I was 18, but I was having them constantly. When I called home, it was my dad who talked to me and calmed me down. This man flew me from Lubbock to Dallas and back nearly every weekend of my freshman year of college.

After college, it was dad who helped me get my first “real” job in sales. I’m sure he had visions of me following in his footsteps and being an affable, outgoing, selling machine! I sold exactly one unit. On the day I quit. Nine months after I started.

Everyone who knows me well knows that I am a late bloomer. I needed lots of help to get my life on track. My dad put a roof over my head while I figured things out…for eight years. Granted, some pretty significant life events were happening concurrently, but if my dad hadn’t welcomed me back, I would not be in the same position I am in now. I needed his safety net in that time, and I’m so grateful he provided it so I didn’t have to settle. I still felt like I was settling in the early years- working at a daycare, waiting tables full-time, switching to retail…I felt like I was capable of more, but I didn’t have the confidence to go after it until seven years into living with my dad.

In all that time, because I wasn’t scrambling for rent or a car payment, I had time to think. I had time to sort out what was keeping me from functioning at the level I am capable of functioning. I had time to learn what I love to do, cultivate that passion, find my purpose, and follow my own path. I don’t know too many other people who have the same kind of support. I’m lucky to have my dad, I would not be the person I am today without my dad, because I wouldn’t have had the kind of time it requires to find out.

I think lots of young children see their patents as these perfect, all knowing entities, rather than fallible humans. The thing about my dad is, once I found out he wasn’t perfect, I didn’t feel like I had to be either. He continues to be really open with me about mistakes he’s made in his life and how they helped shape who he is now. My dad definitely has a growth mindset and I think he inspires others to want to be their best self as well. I must have inherited that trait from him.

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It all goes back to that important lesson, parenting is a life-long commitment. Thankfully, when I turned 18, my parents weren’t saying, “Well, Kasey, we’re all done here, good luck out there! See you at Christmas!”

So, this Father’s Day I wanted to honor to the best father I know, my own. Thank you for your patience, faith in me, and commitment to supporting me so that I can live my life my own way.  I love you dad! Happy Father’s Day!

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life, death, love, hate, pleasure, pain

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Hi readers and friends,  hope everything is going great for you so far in 2012.  My life has been moving right along this year.  Ever since making the decision not to wait tables or bartend anymore, I’ve been happier than I have been in at least two years.  I don’t dread going to work and I don’t have to stand up for upwards of ten hours anymore.  My quality of life has improved dramatically.

So what am I doing?  Well, last time I mentioned that I wanted to work with kids while I look for a job within my field of study.    I am doing precisely that.  I am a nanny for two boys, they are 7 and 11 years old.  They’re well behaved and entertaining, I enjoy them.  Additionally, I work at a nanny agency that will place me at jobs on days I don’t watch the other two kids.  Wait a minute, am I thrice employed?  You betcha!  I also just got hired as a substitute teacher in elementary schools within the district I attended during my formative years.

The best part about the nanny agency and substitute teaching is that I get to choose when and where I work.  That way, I can schedule around other job interviews, internships, or whatever else I may have to do.  I really enjoy working with kids again.  We have a great time and at the end of the day I can just give them right back to their parents!  All the fun, with only a fraction of the responsibility!

I’m about to start working on a big project that will probably take me at least a year to complete.  I am going to make a scrapbook of my mom’s life.  There are hundreds of pictures to go through, print out, and categorize.  I also found some cards my dad gave her when they were in college, I have notes she wrote me, stuff I wrote about her when I was a kid…it’s going to be a big, big project.

I think making a scrapbook  will be therapeutic for me not only because I enjoy scrapbooking, but also because I tend to run away from my grief.  At least if I am looking at pictures of her and recalling memories I will be forced to face my sorrow.  But hopefully the act of scrapbooking itself will keep me busy enough where I don’t lose myself completely in sadness, which is why I run away from it in the first place.

Also, I really want to change my outlook on my future.  I don’t know how many other relatively young women who have lost their mom will read this, but I would definitely like to know if they have had the same feelings I do about living life’s big events without her.

I looked to my mom for so much advice and she knew everything in my eyes.  The thought of getting married without her is so sad that I can’t even imagine doing it.  Who will zip up my dress?  Who will help me plan?  How could I ever imagine marrying someone without her meeting them so I can capitalize on her uncanny ability to sense people’s character?

And kids?  Child, please.  Pregnancy?  Delivery?  Raising them with no help from my mom?  It seems insulting to even consider it.  But wouldn’t it be even more insulting to deny my dad the honor of walking me down the aisle or holding a grandchild just because I’m too scared to handle it without my mom?

I don’t know the answers to these questions.  But maybe, just maybe if I can keep her memory alive not only in my heart, but also create a tangible account of her life and how much I loved her, my outlook will change.